Most of you who know me, have never known me like this. Yeah, I was BIG and I didn't have a clue or I didn't care. It wasn't until mid 2008 that I realized just how big I was. I arrived in Quanitico, VA, which is very close to D.C., which also happens to be the country's second fittest city. Everywhere I turned there was people running or working out in some type of way. This made me very aware of how innactive I was. I remember when I unpacked our stuff I saw the scale, which up until that point was only used by Rey, who was the only one worried about weight (marine corps height and weight standards). I stepped on that scale and I was pushing 200 pounds!!! I'm only 5'2 and a half! The half counts! lol Holy flipping shit!! I weighed more than I did the day I was checked into labor and delivery for Alysa.
I immediately started doing something about it. However, I was doing it all wrong. I took upon fad diet after fad diet, this pill and that pill, and this shake and that shake because they all promised a land of fucking rainbows and butterflies. Let me tell you, being desperate to be "skinny" will make you do some pretty shameful stupid shit, all of which I regret now. There was moments when I was skinny and then when I was too broke to spend money on a refill of whatever pill I was on at the time, I'd get fat again! It was a vicious cycle. I did every zumba class, kickboxing class, fucking pole dancing class, you name it, I was first in line at that class. They all that helped a little. Yet, none of those things thought me how to eat properly. In fact some trainers encouraged me to eat 1200 calories a fucking day, just the calories my body needs to live if I was in a fucking coma!! I beat my metabolism to the ground, of course I didn't know that then.
In 2010 I discovered this BULLSHIT diet called the HCG diet. It helped. I met my goals in a very stupid and wreckless manner. I pretty much trained myself to live off of appx 800 calories a day. This diet lietarlly encouraged me to not exercise. I was happy as all hell because really. who wants to work out? lol ME! Well now I do, I didn't then. I kept my weight off until the holidays then I was back on a diet again. Then I got pregnant with Leon and I got fat again. lol Once I had him I was on the "loose the baby weight" wagon. I did for a while entertain the idea of doing the HCG diet again....until I realized that it had been banned in the US and I would have to order it from China, in vials, and administer them as injections. FUCK THAT!
Then something in me clicked, "there has to be a better way!" There was, I'm on that path right now. I read and I read and I read, I went to sleep and I dramnt of the shit I would read. I book marked so many blogs and so many scholarly articles from expert sources. I learned many of the methods I use today from these articles/people. I eat! I eat well, I eat healthy and I eat to fuel my daily lifestyle, which happens to include weight lifting and interval training at one point it included training for a marathon. I spent so much time in the past looking at food as the enemy, when in reality food is your friend!!! Well, not cheesy french fries, they're no ones friend....well sometimes, but not always. lol
Anyways, I felt the need to write all of this because its a way to clear my mind and get along with my inner voice better at the same time. There are days when I wrongfully compare myself to others and I think "why has it taken me so long to get here when it took them only so and so time" Well that's why. I was ignorant and it took getting it wrong a lot of times before I got it right. I was lazy, I didn't want to read. I was looking for the magic pill, the magic shake. It's not out there, it doesn't exist.
While I am in a great place right now, it's not always peaches and cream. There are days when I wake up and I'm bloated because I ate too much fiber (lol) or I indulged in a ramen noodle soup (hey, i like poor gourmet sometimes lol), my skin is braking out because I let the sweat hang out over my face too long while I worked out the day before, etc. Shit happens. We're not all perfect!
Here is my advice for you if you if you are just starting out on your journey (with bullets yo)
I feel like I have to say this, even though you guys already know this, I AM NOT AN EXPERT! lol
This is my story!
I'm not done with working out because I feel like it's a part of my life. While, I am confident that my metabolism is up to speed, I'm also afraid that if I let go I'll look like my before picture in no time lol
As God is my witness, I will NOT let that happen.
I immediately started doing something about it. However, I was doing it all wrong. I took upon fad diet after fad diet, this pill and that pill, and this shake and that shake because they all promised a land of fucking rainbows and butterflies. Let me tell you, being desperate to be "skinny" will make you do some pretty shameful stupid shit, all of which I regret now. There was moments when I was skinny and then when I was too broke to spend money on a refill of whatever pill I was on at the time, I'd get fat again! It was a vicious cycle. I did every zumba class, kickboxing class, fucking pole dancing class, you name it, I was first in line at that class. They all that helped a little. Yet, none of those things thought me how to eat properly. In fact some trainers encouraged me to eat 1200 calories a fucking day, just the calories my body needs to live if I was in a fucking coma!! I beat my metabolism to the ground, of course I didn't know that then.
In 2010 I discovered this BULLSHIT diet called the HCG diet. It helped. I met my goals in a very stupid and wreckless manner. I pretty much trained myself to live off of appx 800 calories a day. This diet lietarlly encouraged me to not exercise. I was happy as all hell because really. who wants to work out? lol ME! Well now I do, I didn't then. I kept my weight off until the holidays then I was back on a diet again. Then I got pregnant with Leon and I got fat again. lol Once I had him I was on the "loose the baby weight" wagon. I did for a while entertain the idea of doing the HCG diet again....until I realized that it had been banned in the US and I would have to order it from China, in vials, and administer them as injections. FUCK THAT!
Then something in me clicked, "there has to be a better way!" There was, I'm on that path right now. I read and I read and I read, I went to sleep and I dramnt of the shit I would read. I book marked so many blogs and so many scholarly articles from expert sources. I learned many of the methods I use today from these articles/people. I eat! I eat well, I eat healthy and I eat to fuel my daily lifestyle, which happens to include weight lifting and interval training at one point it included training for a marathon. I spent so much time in the past looking at food as the enemy, when in reality food is your friend!!! Well, not cheesy french fries, they're no ones friend....well sometimes, but not always. lol
Anyways, I felt the need to write all of this because its a way to clear my mind and get along with my inner voice better at the same time. There are days when I wrongfully compare myself to others and I think "why has it taken me so long to get here when it took them only so and so time" Well that's why. I was ignorant and it took getting it wrong a lot of times before I got it right. I was lazy, I didn't want to read. I was looking for the magic pill, the magic shake. It's not out there, it doesn't exist.
While I am in a great place right now, it's not always peaches and cream. There are days when I wake up and I'm bloated because I ate too much fiber (lol) or I indulged in a ramen noodle soup (hey, i like poor gourmet sometimes lol), my skin is braking out because I let the sweat hang out over my face too long while I worked out the day before, etc. Shit happens. We're not all perfect!
Here is my advice for you if you if you are just starting out on your journey (with bullets yo)
- stick with it
- stop expecting immediate results
- save your money! unless it's creatine, caffeine, amminos, protein, or vitamins, or any other thing that your body already produces on it's own, or that you can get from food, DON'T toxify your body with that bullshit! (in reference to supplements)
- WORK B***HES!!
- Lift weights
- Eat the food.
- Count the macros
- Focus on fat loss
- READ! and research!
- LOVE YOURSELF
I feel like I have to say this, even though you guys already know this, I AM NOT AN EXPERT! lol
This is my story!
I'm not done with working out because I feel like it's a part of my life. While, I am confident that my metabolism is up to speed, I'm also afraid that if I let go I'll look like my before picture in no time lol
As God is my witness, I will NOT let that happen.
