I think we all have that moment in our life that for a couple of weeks or months our life sounds like a country song. All with a few sprinkles of struggle, stress, relationships and death. The punch line in this country song that is my life lately is that something has ended and something has began. A day before I started my new job and a day after my 27th birthday, my beloved dog Tater Tot passed away. Quite the shit sandwich huh?
Nothing can explain the sadness that loosing a family member brings. Tater was a part of the family and my daughter's best friend, like two peas in a pod. We always joked that Tater was the animal version of our daughter or "Alysa with four legs and a fur coat" We miss him so much and the house just is not the same without him. It really is sad coming downstairs in the morning and not having him there to care for. We miss him playing with Alysa and ruining her "imaginary picnics" on the living room floor. Yes, he was a pain in the butt to train, as are all puppies; but he was perfect for us. We had just made him the way we wanted, he was coming along perfect with his training. He knew when to chill and when to be active just off our vibes. He was just an awesome little guy.
Today we went to pick up his little plaster paw imprint from the vet. I tried to distract her with some jelly beans so that she wouldn't realize where we were and then ask for Tater. Rey went inside and we stayed in the car and while we waited we saw a lady walking her little maltese. Then Alysa tells me "mom, I like that dog." I say "oh yeah. why?" she answers "because he's not dead" WOW! I hate that even though we try to sugar coat things and to hide hurtful things from her, she still knows what's going on.
She has asked us for Tater every single day since he passed, sometimes it's a simple "Where's Tater?" sometimes it's a kicking and screaming "I want Tater back" The other night she said that Tater was gonna be Bulls-eye for Halloween (she's gonna be Jessie from Toy Story) I don't think she realizes all the way yet that Tater is not coming back.
We are beginning our search for another puppy for her, but we are on the fence about it. We don't want to go through the same painful process of loosing a family dog. At the same time we think that we can do it all over again, but this time we'll have the experience and get him pet insurance right away.
On to other less depressing stuff. I started my new job at Starbucks and I'm not even gonna lie, I don't love it. I'm the new girl. I don't like being the new girl anywhere. Let me ask you. How much do you really respect teenagers? Not too much. Well I hate that mostly everyone I work with thinks I'm 18 or 19 at first encounter (not tooting my own horn). I'm a totally different Maria without make up and high heels! Anyway, I think I'll eventually get used to it and start learning wtf is going on and I'll be right in the grove of things. What makes it harder to go to work is when Alysa cries for me not to leave her and tells me that she misses me.
I know all of these events have to be harder on her than on us because she's so little and unable to understand why things happens.
This morning she was telling me that she had a dream of us and that I lost her and she was looking for me and looking for me, but she couldn't find me. That's so crazy!
I have to believe her because for 1) I hated when my parents dismissed my crazy thoughts and dreams simply because I was "just a kid" and 2) because I have to believe that any 3 year old that knows enough to have a comprehensive conversation about dreams has to know what the freak is going on! lol
So, pray with us that she transitions well with all the changes in her little life. She's the sparkle in my eye, everything I do is for her because I love her to death.
& Rey? Rey is Rey. He rolls with the punches, he stands tall and overcomes adversities. He's kind of my firewall lol There to protect us and comfort us and be there for us even when we don't need him. God knows what He does and He knew exactly what He was doing when He put Rey in my life. His strengths are my weaknesses and he truly completes me.
"If at any time you feel like you don't want to do this, don't do it. You're there because you want to be, not because you have to be. I can take care of you" Rey in relation to my new job. lol. & That's exactly why I was too comfortable to work these past two years lol
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